New Beginnings
by Hitsutake
Summary: I couldn't help the feeling of relief that surged through my body. Just because he was leaving ANBU didn't mean he was leaving me. And that was the most important thing for me to remember.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

OK! Hellooo everyone! It's been a while, huh? Don't panic, but I have suddenly decided to write again. Since it's been a while, naturally I am worried that I will not do quite as well as before. So, as a result, I have given you the first chapter with the added potential of many chapters to come if all goes well. So be sure to comment and let me know if you like what I have so far. Otherwise I will assume the worst... ;)

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Standing at the foot of the doorway, it took me no time at all to find him leaning against a nearby tree, reading one of those books he always has with him. I try my best to put one foot in front of the other as I make my way towards him. His gaze never leaves his book as I slide down the trunk of the tree to sit beside him. I look up at his face and he utters his signature "mmm."

"Hey Senpai, don't you ever get tired of reading the same thing over and over?" I ask.

He snaps the book closed and puts it back into his pocket before I even realize it isn't in his hands anymore. "Maa, you only say that because you've never read them before, Tenzou," Senpai smirks at me, clearly amused by my discomfort.

"Somehow, I doubt my reading them would change my opinion," I smile. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long?" I ask, staring up at him, the light bouncing off the leaves and twinkling around his face. It's as if every time I look at him, I'm seeing him for the first time. He looks off into the distance, his eyes searching for something, before he answers me.

"Not long," he replies, his gaze still fixated on the Academy in front of us.

I could feel a slight breeze, his hair ruffling in the wind as it blew past us. I couldn't help but stare, my breath betraying me as it got caught in my throat. Kakashi-Senpai looked down at me quizzically, eyebrow raised. "Say, Tenzou, why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer," he smirks at me. My face blushes beet red. I was too embarrassed to look away. If I look away he wins.

I could hear him chuckle as he pushed off the tree to return his stance to normal. He studies my face for what feels like an eternity before finally speaking. "Do you remember what today is?" he whispers, his eyes suddenly turning a shade darker.

My heartbeat picks up as I realize what he's talking about. Today is the day he retires from ANBU. I stare at the dirt beneath my feet. I can't bring myself to face him. I owe my life to this man. If it weren't for him I would still be under Danzo's control. Carrying out his every order without any hesitation. I can't help but flash back to that day I received the orders to kill him.

" _Oi, wake up Kinoe! Can you really obey an order to kill a friend?!" Kakashi yells at me._

" _You're one to talk. You're the one who killed a friend!" I yell, my Mokkuton exploding from the ground._

" _Stop this Kinoe! Abandon this mission!" Kakashi pleads as our kunai clash._

" _A shinobi's mission is absolute!" I spit back at him._

" _A mission is not absolute! If those orders are to kill a friend then they're wrong!"_

Back then I couldn't remember anything but pain. I had no past. I had no future. I only thought of death. True, Danzo saved me that day. But as I look up at the grey-haired shinobi standing in front of me, I couldn't help but think that he's the real reason I am here today. He's saved me in more ways than one, and I can do nothing to squelch the tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"Senpai," I breathe, tears falling down my cheeks, as I stand. I reach out my hand in front of him. "We had some good times together, didn't we?"

Kakashi looks down at my hand, back up to my eyes, and then back down again. He grasps it firmly in his. "We sure did," water beginning to form at his eyelids. He shakes his head, as if to shake away the pain, and drops my hand from his.

I smile at him, "I don't know what we're going to do without you, Senpai, but I suppose we'll manage somehow."

Kakashi's demeanor changes, "I have no doubt you'll all be just fine," he smiles back at me. I would take a kunai to the chest before I ever admitted to anyone how that smile affects me. We stand there in comfortable silence until Kakashi-Senpai waves for me to follow and starts to walk back towards the center of town. I follow after him, my steps falling into place with his.

"Senpai, maybe I'm being too forward, but would it be alright if we spent the day together?" I try my best to sound cheerful. No matter how hard this will be for all of us, I truly believe this is what is best for him. He was starting to become an empty shell. There are only so many assassinations a person can do before you stop feeling altogether, and unfortunately, his time was quickly approaching.

Senpai's face goes blank for a split second before regaining its original expression, "I would like that, Tenzou."

I couldn't help the feeling of relief that surged through my body. Just because he was leaving ANBU didn't mean he was leaving me. And that was the most important thing for me to remember.

Kakashi-Senpai was a lot of things, as various nicknames would point out, but he wasn't the kind of person to drop you as a friend. And I know this, because even though he acts like he hates it when Guy-Sensei starts rambling on about their rivalry or rock-paper-scissors, I can always see the slightest smirk form in the corner of his mouth. As if his pretending not to notice Guy's existence is one of the tests of their rivalry itself. And I can't help but laugh.

"Hmm? Something funny, Tenzou?" Senpai cocks his head to look at me.

I cough to cover it up. "Nothing at all, Senpai," I smile back at him.

Off in the distance, a shinobi screams about the youthfulness of life and green jumpsuits.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks have passed since that afternoon, and Kakashi-Senpai and I haven't spent much time together since then. He's been busy getting acquainted with a new position, and I've been just as busy as ever with my own missions.

The Hokage decided to put Kakashi in charge of genin, and while I understand the logic behind it, I can't help but worry about the repercussions if it doesn't help. The one thing that's most apparent about Kakashi is that his darkness is absolute.

I sigh as I pull the door to my apartment closed behind me. I set out trying to get some fresh air, desperately hoping it would clear my head, and I hardly even noticed that I was walking in his direction until I was already here.

I startle as I near the familiar chakra. It's as though my body instinctively gravitates towards him, and I shake my head at the thought that this has happened on more than one occasion.

I decide to let him be, and flit behind a nearby tree, fixing my gaze on the silver-haired shinobi.

He's visiting that grave again. _Her_ grave. I can always find him here on particularly pallid days, almost as if it draws him here.

"Maa, well, seems I wasn't cut out for ANBU either, Rin," I overhear him say, "but, I suppose I knew it would turn out like this from the start."

My eyes follow him as he looks up and stares off in the direction of a different grave. I haven't figured out whose it is, he never seems to be able to go over to it, but I've always wondered why tha-

 _"_ Spying on me again, Tenzou?" Kakashi says suddenly without taking his gaze off the grave.

The thought hadn't even crossed my mind that if I could feel his chakra then he could also feel mine, and I internally face palm at the mistake.

"Oh you know, Senpai, just passing through," I say embarrassed, rubbing the back of my head.

"You don't have to hide," he says softly.

"I thought it best not to disturb you."

I walk over and look down at the grave in front of him. I have an overwhelming urge to reach out and comfort him, to let him know that he's not alone, he's not worthless, if he's hurting it's ok, it'll all be ok. But I decide it's not my place to say anything to him, and I opt for silence instead.

Kakashi looks up from the grave, studying my face. I try to smile, but it comes off forced and I know he can tell. He takes a deep breath and sighs, putting his hands in his pockets. I suspect that maybe it's to hide the trembling, but I can't be certain. Senpai's reasons for doing things aren't exactly cut and dry. Though I'm sure he did it hoping I wouldn't notice… but I always do.

"There's someone I want you to meet, Tenzou," he smiles.

My eyes grow wide as he continues, "This is Nohara, Rin. A very dear friend."

An overwhelming sadness washes over me. I try to speak, but my breathing hitches in my throat. I can do nothing but stand there as I try to control the racing heart inside my chest. I close my eyes.

Kakashi-Senpai looks up, and I can see the panic on his face, "Tenzou-"

"It's nice to meet you, Rin," I say with a shy smile, "this one here is a handful," I gesture over to Kakashi, "but don't you worry, I'm looking out for him," I say as I pat him on the back.

Kakashi's body goes rigid, and he looks at me with eyes I have never seen before. He parts his lips as if to say something, but all he manages to mutter is "…I'm sorry," before disappearing, and I instantly regret what I just said.

But I understand his reaction, because the darkness still lingers in his heart, and I realize that perhaps I shouldn't have said so much. And I will have to apologize to him for it later.

.

It's a slow walk back towards my house, my thoughts even heavier than they were before. Maybe this is a good chance to put some distance between us. I would hate to think that my getting too close would hinder him in any way. Sure, we're friends, and he'll always be my Senpai, but maybe I should stop over analyzing everything.

As I'm nearing my apartment, I can feel that familiar chakra once more, and I look up to see Kakashi leaning against the doorframe of my apartment. I can't help but notice something flutter in the pit of my stomach as my eyes lock his.

I quicken my pace. "Senpai?" I ask confused.

"Mmm," was all he managed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just passing through," he smirks at me.

Touché.

"Something wrong, Tenzou?" Senpai chuckles, seeing my face betray me as it flushes bright red.

"Wha- no, I-" I stutter as I step back, the words getting caught in my throat.

 _What is it about this man that makes me so- oh I don't even have a word to describe it!_ I think as my hands reach up, violently rubbing my head, desperately trying to regain control over my own body.

Kakashi begins to laugh, and a cool hand finds it way to the top of my head, ruffling my hair. "What on earth are you doing, Tenzou?"

I look up to see his dark eyes staring back at me, his expression soft.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier, Senpai. It wasn't my place, and I shouldn't have said it," I say as I try to shake his hand off my head.

"No. Don't be sorry..." he trails off, allowing his hand to fall back down beside him before continuing.

"…it made me happy," he smiles at me.

I can barely contain my happiness at his words, and I force myself to look away. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and "I'm glad," is all I could whisper before I'm suddenly being swept up into a whirlwind of emotions that I cannot seem to comprehend.

Kakashi pauses, as if at a loss for words, and then sighs. I watch as he moves to stand beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"It's been a long time since I've said that. Thank you," he breathes as he walks away.

I stand there watching until he disappears out of sight, and as I turn to unlock my door, I can't help but think that maybe it's already too late. Maybe I'm already in way too deep.


End file.
